The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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