I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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