we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I party with great urgency now.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
