One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
