btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
