You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
