He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
