Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
