When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I could make wine with my vomit
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
