But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I can text with my tongue
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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