I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I can tuck mytits in my pants
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
