i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
