i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
