This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
