I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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