I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
