My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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