Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
worst night to have a conscience
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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