I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
