He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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