My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Boobs are out for the taking
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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