Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
