Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
