Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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