Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
