the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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