All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
