i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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