i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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