you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
