I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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