i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
