I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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