I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
