I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
