this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
