Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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