I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The Olympian is in my bed
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
