i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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