I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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