honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
