i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
love makes seman taste better
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You ate ashes out of my bong
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
