The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
