He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
