I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
