You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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