I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Your penis caused this!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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