I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
