i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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