Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
