I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
