Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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